SF Signal: REVIEW: Van Helsing

REVIEW: Van Helsing

REVIEW SUMMARY: An action-packed movie that's a non-stop joyride from beginning to end.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Monsters from classic horror movies brought back together in one action-packed story told to us with some very nice computer graphics.

MY REVIEW:
PROS: Good looking characters -- Kate Beckinsale and Hugh Jackman, Dracula and his brides, and (with the help of CG) Wolfman and Frankenstein's monster. Good spin on the vampire legend. Non-stop action beginning to end.
CONS: Characters are somewhat superficial. Story is light on plot.
BOTTOM LINE: Suspend your disbelief and the need for a deep storyline, expect an action movie that is sprinkled with a pinch of the vampire mythology, and you'll have a good time watching this movie.

WARNING: Spoiler in the extended commentary. Don't read if you haven't seen the movie yet.

When I indulge in vampire (or specifically, Dracula) fiction, I'm often intrigued by the writer's take on its origin and the spin that is casted upon the famous legend. As an observer, it is easier to suspend my disbelief when I understand the set of rules that applies to the vampire(s) at hand and how they might differ from the original. Certain familiar themes are ubiquitous: the struggle between good and evil (God vs. Satan); the lust for the life as symbolized by the blood; the need to live, survive, and thrive; and that love is eternal.

With the exception of the last theme, the "Van Helsing" storyline is no different. Dracula was created by a pact with the Devil. He survived through the blood of man, and driven to create more like himself. In addition to traditional neck-biting, he and his very sexy brides sought to populate the earth with their unholy offsprings -- except there's a catch: Life cannot be created by the (un)dead, and thus setting up the struggle for the side of evil. This is a very interesting take on the legend, indeed!

For the side of good, there are two heroes: Gabriel Van Helsing and Anna Valerious. Anna is the last of her bloodline burdened with the destruction of Dracula or her entire family, throughout the generations, will not enter the gates of Heaven. Frankly, I didn't konw that God struck bargains but just go with it. Van Helsing, of course, is the legendary vampire hunter. In this outing, he's sent by the Vatican to rid the world of evil.

If this movie was just about Van Helsing vs. Dracula, it might have been a stronger story. Unfortunately, the plot is distracted by the Anna Valerious character. Now don't get me wrong, as any SF Signal reader would know, if this movie was just about the sumptiousness of the breathtakingly beautiful actress, Kate Beckinsale, it would have easily gotten 5 stars from me, hands down. But alas, this movie is not just about Kate, or her character. It's about Wolv...er...I mean Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing -- duh, the title character¹!

So what we end up with is two very strong characters ruled destiny (but neither character was very well fleshed out) and there just weren't enough Dracula to go around! What would have made the movie even better is if Van Helsing's first name was Anna (No Hugh. Too bad, so sad, especially for the ladies), or if the Valerious storyline was instead written for Van Helsing (then there would be no Kate, major bummer!).

Well, what about Frankenstein's monster and the Wolfman? Well, they've been reduced to background characters and plot devices. The Monster is the symbol that the breath of life is possessed by not only the divine and thus, is sought after by Dracula. And the Wolfman, well, he's the only creature who can kill Dracula. Dracula, in this particular instance, is quite invulnerable to every traditional mean of vampire killing unless your method is to turn hairy and start munching on some undead flesh.

What's really interesting is that the brides of Dracula have bigger roles in the movie then the Monster and the Wolfman. No longer are they the temptresses who snacked on Harker but then easily dispatched; they're, instead, more like Dracula's very sexy henchwomen. One particularly sexy scene was when two of them were about to pounce, very seductively, on our very sexy heroine. Unfortunately, they were called away at the last second, it is a PG-13 movie after all.²

*** MAJOR SPOILER ***

When you say Wolfman, which one do you mean? Anna's brother, or Van Helsing? Yes, that's right. Van Helsing was turned into a werewolf and thus allowing him to finally destroy Dracula. Of course, the Valeriouses, all get to enter heaven. But if you really think about it, that wasn't really the original bargain -- Van Helsing's name is not Valerious, do they still get ultimate salvation on an assist? What really irked me was that they killed the Anna character off at the end, so there probably won't be a sequel with the lovely Kate -- perhaps, a prequel exploring just the Valerious storyline?

I can probably spend an entire other review on just the special effects. Needless to say, they're on par with any other movie produced nowaday.

In summary, this was a very short two hours twenty-five minutes movie. Don't get too hung up on the story, and it should be as action-packed, and fun-filled as you would imagine.

¹I should probably scratch out this sentence since Mr. Jackman is never Wolverine to me because I've not been tinted by the X-Men franchise.
²If you do want to see Ms. Beckinsale lip-lock with another female, I would suggest "Laurel Canyon" when she shared a very steamy kiss in a swimming pool with another female character.