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The Website at the End of the Universe lists all the upcoming SF-related, chewy movie goodness for the summer.
There looks to be some good ones and some dingo's kidneys ones. But which is which? Let me give you the answers!
- The Day After Tomorrow - This isn't science fiction, its stupid fiction. Really. The ice caps melt and suddenly New York is hit by a giant tidal wave. Riiiiiight. Because the caps will melt all at once. Riiiiight. The sad thing is people will see this movie and think the 'science' in it is real. Bah. Conclusion: Dingo Kidney.
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - The story of how Harry is thrown in a German prison and can fly is Nimbus broom as fast as he wants. What? Oh, Azkaban, not Autobahn. Hey, at least its not the obligatory, "Potter? I hardly....." nonsense. Anyway, the book was good, the movies have been good but not great. I expect more of the same from this one. Conclusion: Creamy Center.
- The Stepford Wives - Horror re-done as crappy comedy, which, come to think of it, is horror, so really, no change from the original. Except for the whole 'going to suck' thing. Conclusion: Dingo Kidney.
- Around the World in 80 Days - Two words: Jackie Chan. Those two words are enough to either praise, or damn, a film. Since this is a film from Hollywood, I'm expecting more of a 'The Tuxedo' than 'Armor of God', I'm not expecting much. But it has Jackie Chan. Conclusion: Creamy Center.
- Spider-Man 2 - From Kevin's favorite film genre, superheroes, comes the next Spidey flick. Yawn. The first one was ho hum. I expect about the same, or worse from this one. A NetFlix movie. Conclusion: Creamy Center.
- I, Robot - Should be called, 'I, Suck'. Shamelessly stole the name from Asimov, even though the movie has nothing to do with the original books. Conclusion: Beyond a dingo kidney, its the whole stinking dingo.
- Cat Woman - Probably the only movie able to make Halley Berry look bad in skin-tight leather (sorry Pete). Bah. Conclusion: Dingo Kidney.
- Thunderbirds - are go! Only as a live action movie and not super marionettes. I wasn't big on the original TV series so I think this one could go either way. Conclusion: Dingo Kidney Pie or Creamy Center.
- Blade Trinity - Was the original Blade that good that it create 2 sequels? I think not. But because its about vampires, I conclude: Creamy Center.
- Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow - We've been all over this movie here at the big SFSignal. Its also the only move on this list I want to see when it comes out. Giant robots, zeppelins, retro-future-deco, what's not to love? Conclusion: Chewy SF Goodness.
There you have it. My fearless predictions for this summer's movie releases. Remember, you can never watch too much SF....
Comments (6)
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Posted by JP Frantz at Thursday May 20, 2004 at 3:41 PM
© 2004 SF Signal
I think this is the Harry Potter where the kid dies (or is that the next book)? I liked that book because it gave the series a darker tone that seemed more real - hopefully they won't sugar coat this event.
Posted by Scott on Thursday May 20, 2004 at 7:14 PM
Or maybe they will put on surfboards with lava.... Thats the ticket... Whoops wrong post :P
Posted by Tim on Thursday May 20, 2004 at 8:35 PM
What the heck are "kidnies"?
Well, not much there for hope, given what I've heard about some of these. "Harry Potter" will be seen. I'm interested to see how the change in director, change in one actor do to the film plus how they treat the "Grim Reaper" guards.
"Sky Captain" looks good to. The rest I'll pass on (especially that horrible looking 80 Days remake!).
Posted by Fred Kiesche on Thursday May 20, 2004 at 9:20 PM
"Kidnies" is an alternate spelling! Or maybe I just can't spell....
Posted by jp on Thursday May 20, 2004 at 9:35 PM