They say that nothing in life is certain but death and taxes. I’d like to add a third option: George Lucas will screw over your childhood by changing the Star Wars movie with every new release. Sure enough, Lucas is taking the opportunity of the series’ release on Blu-Ray to screw over your childhood make some much needed changes engage in his obsessive need to change things that don’t really need changing.

To wit: In the original RotJ, while the Emperor is force lightning Luke, Vader stands there but you can see him deciding to toss old Emps over the railing. In the new version, Lucas has added some dialogue for Vader. What is it? Now Vader says “No! Noooo!!!!” before hurling the human Tesla coil into oblivion. The below video is supposedly confirmed to be the new edit for the film. Watch it if you dare.

I guess I can sorta see the reason for this, but the implementation is just horrible (unless your name is James Earl Jones and you get to cash your check from Lucas). Why why why would you harken back to one of the most idiotically melodramatic moments from Revenge of the Sith? Oh right, because he can. Gah!

But wait! There’s a more!

The eagle eyed among you may have noticed the above clip has four more clips from the new Blu-Ray discs. The bad: Greedo still shoots first (Sigh) and Obi-wan’s Krayt Dragon call in Star Wars, err A New Hope.

Sounds like Obi-wan was on the receiving end of a galactic wedgie in the men’s room.

The good: The new CGI Yoda in The Phantom Menace. In the original Menace, Yoda was still portrayed via puppet, which doesn’t look correct when viewed against CGI Yoda in the last two films. Lucas fixed that by replacing puppet Yoda with CGI Yoda. The ambivalent: The Ewoks now blink their eyes. I never noticed before (probably because I was trying to look away in horror) but the Ewoks never blinked. Now they do. A nice touch? I guess.

This is the type of change I don’t mind, but then again, I don’t light stogies made of rolled up $100s with $20 bills. It’s a good thing I don’t own a Blu-Ray player as my decision not to buy the new discs now feels so, so right.

And before anyone decides to jump on me for this, I’ve already given Lucas two pounds of flesh. I have the original trilogy release on Laserdisc (and yes, there were changes then too, but mostly to SFX) and we have all 6 movies on DVD, If Lucas had made the decision to release the original theatrical movies on the Blu-Ray discs in addition to the new versions, well, I’d probably be stealing the change from my kids’ pockets to buy a PS3…

Filed under: MoviesStar Wars

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