[GUEST POST] Faith Hunter Lists The Top 10 Ways To Know If Your Girlfriend Is A Vampire
Faith Hunter is the fantasy author of the Jane Yellowrock vampire hunter series and a long time professional fiction writer. Oddly enough, she also has a third shift job and considers trips to New Orleans to be really interesting, hanging out of the window like a pup with it’s nose in the wind, camera in hand, while doing vampire drive-bys. Including her other pen name, Gwen Hunter, she has over 20 published books in 20+ countries around the world. Her latest addition to the Jane Yellowrock series, Death’s Rival, was released by ROC on October 2nd, 2012. She is an original creator of and regular contributor to MagicalWords.net, an industry blog for sci-fi and fantasy writers. You can find out more about Faith at her home on the web, FaithHunter.net, or visit her official Facebook page to try and find Jane.
By Faith Hunter
I’ve hunted down a lot of vampires in the past few years. Well, on the printed page as my alter ego Jane Yellowrock, but who’s counting all those little voices in my head anyways? As a result, I’ve gotten pretty good at identifying who a potential blood-fiend might be. Today I want to share these potentially date ending, life-ending, and “why-did-I-just-spend-$100-to-go-out-with-her” ideas with you. It’s your lucky day!
10. The red wine that she’s been swirling in her wine glass for the past five minutes during your date looks just a little thick, just a little warm. When it splashes on the white linen table cloth the stain looks juuuuust a little too bright. And she’s not sharing either.
8. When she introduces you to her father, she accidentally says, “Tony, this is my sire… um, I mean my dad.”
7. She’ll visit your family. Often. But every time she visits, one of your many uncles or aunts goes missing afterwards, and reappears later, looking kinda pale and wobbly.
6. She works a third shift job as a nurse in the Trauma Emergency Department and it’s NOT because of the benefits. She actually seems to like everything about it. Ever-y-thing.
5. When you mention the possibility spending the weekend at your uncle’s beach cabin, sun-bathing and eating pizza, she runs in the other direction.
4. She claims to have seen a dentist about her odd dentition. But he didn’t suggest braces. Or surgery.
3. When her sire…uh, her father…gave her a new car for her birthday, the selling points were: the windows are blacked out, they don’t roll down, and the trunk is big enough to hold several bodies.
2. She refuses to wear silver, is terrified of splinters, wears corsets religiously (koff-koff) and had an old friend in school named Mary Todd, who later married a man in politics.
1. She gives hickeys. And they are a real pain in the neck!
Filed under: Humor
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