REVIEW SUMMARY: A Cormanesque ripoff so laughably bad that it becomes enjoyable.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Milton breaks out of Hell to find a murderous cult responsible for murdering his daughter to stop them from sacrificing his infant granddaughter.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Over-the-top performance by Nicolas Cage; tongue in cheek direction by Patrick Lussier (who co-wrote the screenplay); fast paced, often silly action sequences that never stop being enjoyable; and (surprise) the 3D effects are actually pretty good; and how long has it been since we’ve seen gratuitous nudity on a movie screen?

CONS: For all of its fun, it’s just not very good, and never transcends being an ersatz grindhouse B-movie.

How much you enjoy Drive Angry will depend a great deal on how much you enjoy Roger Corman. Or maybe not. Granted, this high octane mélange of The Dunwich Horror, The Fast and the Furious and The Wild Angels never achieves the sublime B-movie pleasures of its obvious inspirations nor salvages the reputation of Nicolas Cage. Even when you realize how cheesy it is, you cannot help but realize that it’s the kind cheese that comes out of a can: highly processed, bright yellow, tasting of something grown in a vat rather than having ever seen the innards of a cow, and with absolutely no nutritional value. If the movie posed an original thought, I missed it. Say what you will of Corman’s ouvre, but they had a degree of vigor and sleazy charm that, even at its best Drive Angry only wishes it could manage.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Derivative rehash of Twilight in science fiction garb, with lots of special effects but no imagination.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Number Four, one of nine aliens sent to Earth, hides from the invading Mogadorians while learning the nature of his powers and falling in love.

MY REVIEW

PROS: Well, it was under two hours…

CONS: Cliché-ridden story that borrows way too heavily from other movies and television shows; flat action and listless direction; bland actors.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Disturbing, visually arresting meditation on art, obsession and madness that engages the viewer on the most intimate levels yet is very difficult to enjoy.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Cast as the lead “Swan Lake,” ballerina Nina Sayers loses her mind as she captures the essence of the White Swan’s evil twin, the Black Swan.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Outstanding performances from Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel and Barbara Hershey; beautifully shot; disturbingly surreal; real feel for the world of ballet; surprisingly controlled direction from Darren Aronofsky…

CONS: …despite some lapses into hackneyed territory; Mila Kunis not quite able to match the talents of her costars; an easier movie to respect than like.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Dull, lifeless sequel to the groundbreaking 1982 cult classic holds little visual interest and no soul.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Twenty years after the disappearance of ENCOM CEO Kevin Flynn, his son Sam sets out on a quest to locate him, finding him, and his evil counterpart Clu, in the digital world of The Grid.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Good soundtrack from Daft Punk; Olivia Wilde, who looks incredible in Quorra’s costuming; digitally transforming Jeff Bridges into a younger version of himself; excellent sound effects…

CONS: …but you don’t go to a movie like this for sound effects; visually flat; aggressively dull action and direction; inconsistent in construction and character; listless dialogue; incomprehensible storyline; way too long.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: A unique blend of science fiction and cinema vérité techniques featuring interesting, sympathetic characters. Easily one of the best science fiction movies of the past two years.

RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: A photojournalist must escort his boss’s daughter through the Central American jungle, which, six years after a space probe crashed, has become a No Man’s Land of alien flora and fauna.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Low key, understated use of effects; telling details of how alien invasion has been incorporated into everyday life; smart, strong script and direction from Gareth Edwards; strong, sympathetic performances from leads Whitney Able and Scoot McNairy.

CONS: One or two minor plot holes that don’t quite make sense; a bit of alien biology that probably could have been explained a little better.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: The seventh installment of the Harry Potter installment is a better picture than the previous entry, though it feels too long and too derivative.

RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: As Voldemort gains control of the Ministry of Magic, Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione go into hiding in order to find the magic charms (Horcruxes) that will help them defeat Voldemort.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Very grim, often macabre elements not usually seen in the series; nearly seamless special effects; bittersweet realization that the series is finally drawing to a close.

CONS: Too long, with too many moments when the movie seems to come to a dead stop; often predictable; too many scenes reminiscent of other movies; and several of the leads look like they’ve stopped enjoying their roles two pictures ago.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: In the vein of Spook Country, William Gibson melds the form of the thriller with the observations of science fiction to create an always readable and often enjoyable, if occasionally too glib, examination of the end of the new century’s first decade.

RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Under the employ of Hubertus Bigend, former pop star Hollis Henry and ex-drug addict Milgrim join forces to search for the creator of the designer brand Gabriel Hounds.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Insights, ruminations and details of life in the twenty-first century; deft chronicling of life in twenty-first century Europe; engaging characters; ironic sense of humor; strong prose and generally elegant pacing; a breathless and body-count-free thriller about…

CONS: …jeans? Really? And its ending teeters dangerously close to standard thriller plotting.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Matt Reeves remakes a masterful, evocative Swedish film for American audiences with a good deal of efficiency but without much subtlety.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Lonely, bullied twelve-year-old Owen becomes friends with Abby, a young girl who moves into the apartment next door and who is not what she seems.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Talented leads Kodi Smit-McPhee and Chloë Moretz in challenging roles; Matt Reeves technical prowess; script not too dumbed down for American audiences; a somewhat darker picture than Let the Right One In.

CONS: Not nearly as subtle as the original; too many nods to the original; use of CGI during vampire kill sequences.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Very funny and occasionally exasperating, with equal parts wit and charm and a great deal of heart, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World turns out to be one of the strongest film adaptation of a graphic novel thus far.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Twenty-two-year-old Toronto bassist and slacker Scott Pilgrim falls in love with Ramona Flowers, but before he can date her he must fight, and defeat, her seven evil ex-boyfriends.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Nearly pitch-perfect casting of both the leads and the supporting cast; brimful of popular culture references (specifically video games); comic elements are often hilarious and genuinely clever; engaged, energetic direction by Edgar Wright, specifically in the movie’s pacing…

CONS: …but the pace is so energetic that it threatens to exhaust the viewer.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Christopher Nolan’s new film isn’t quite as smart as it should be and suffers from occasional lapses in pace, but nonetheless manages to be that rarity of rarities, an intelligent science fiction action thriller.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Wealthy businessman Saito hires dream extractor Dom Cobb to plant an idea in the mind of a rival mogul which will make the energy market more competitive.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: A good cast with an especially strong performance by Leonardo Di Caprio; visually arresting, especially in the architecture; deft handling of the dream-within-a-dream sequences; Hans Zimmer’s powerful score.

CONS: Too often favors action over idea and thus never quite lives up to the potential of its original concept; open-ended ending that most genre viewers, and perhaps more savvy general audiences, will see coming fairly early.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Pixar proves once again that it understands how to tell engaging, delightful stories in one of their best entries.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Woody, Buzz Lightyear and other toys must cope with the impeding adulthood of their owner Andy.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Excellent vocal talents; engaging story by turns funny and bittersweet; many pop culture reference peppered throughout.

CONS: Realization upon the ending credits that, after fifteen years, the Toy Story franchise no longer seems genuinely fresh; Lots-O-Huggin’s “origin” story.

It’s hard to believe that fifteen years have passed since the original Toy Story first appeared in theaters. Woody, Buzz Lightyear, Hamm and Mr. Potato Head caught everybody off guard during the winter of 1995 and won over every possible skeptic of computer animation, helped by not only Pixar’s determination to chart new frontiers with the form but also by their creative team’s ability to spin a story that captured the magic and wonder that suffuses the best children’s books and movies, no matter what the said age of those children. (And yes, partnering with Disney gave them an audience that they might not have had.) If its sequel disappointed, it did so only slightly, and only in relation to the other work Pixar had made; after all, when your worst movie was Cars, you were still higher than most people’s successes.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Wretched, predictable mashup of Frankenstein and Freud that inspires more laughter than shocks and makes waste of its leads.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: After their initial creation of new life forms, two genetic engineers conduct a secret experiment to create a hybrid human being, ignoring any legal, ethical or moral boundaries.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Good title and creature design; Delphine Chanéac as Dren.

CONS: Predictable, idiot plotting; characters acting stupidly throughout; hamfisted, pretentious direction from Vincenzo Natali.

Splice opens with a moment of ominous creation…the viewer knows this based on the background music playing over the opening credits (a series of veins bulging across pale skin to spell out cast and crew). In a Toronto lab, genetic engineers Clive Nicoli (Adrien Brody, who looks physically wounded at having been cast) and Elsa Kast (Sarah Polley, seemingly wondering if this role will kill her career) act as midwives to a hybrid lifeform (dubbed “Ginger”) looking like a cross between the monstrous puddlinglike offspring in David Lynch’s Eraserhead and a phallic tumor from David Cronenberg’s The Brood.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: A forgettable but modestly enjoyable that strives to emulate a Saturday morning serial and on occasion succeeds.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: In the sixth century, Dastan, adopted son of the king of the Persian Empire, joins forces with Princess Tamina to stop a duplicitous nobleman from taking possession of an ancient dagger that gives its owner the ability to travel backwards in time and change the past.

MY REVIEW

PROS: Alfred Molina as Sheik Amar, who steals the entire movie; well-paced direction by Mike Newell, with the right amount of tongue in cheek and charm.

CONS: By-the-numbers plotting; action that (not surprisingly) too often feels like a videogame; Jake Gyllenhaal’s consistent smirking throughout the movie.

Though I have not seen many, and thus am hardly an expert, I would venture a guess that Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is the best film adaptation of a video game since the subgenre was inaugurated in 1993 by Super Mario Bros. Considering how wretched virtually all video game movies have been, from Street Fighter and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider to recent travesties like Hitman and Max Payne, one would make the reasonable assumption that this does not mean the most recent entry is good, and one would be right. In spite of this, it manages to be more enjoyable than it has any right to be, despite its lack of originality and its forgettable execution.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Despite a strong cast and good director, Ridley Scott stuffs his lifeless reimagining of Sherwood Forest’s most famous denizen with pretension.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Upon the death of Richard Coeur de Lion, archer Robin Longstride returns to England to hold off an impending Norman invasion and, ultimately, to become Robin Hood.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Good cast (with the exception of the title character), especially Eileen Atkins as Eleanor of Aquitaine; and Robin’s liberation of grain taken from Nottingham.

CONS: Poor pacing; middling dialogue; flabby, surprisingly aimless direction from Scott; hammy performance from Mark Strong; too many scenes reminiscent of other movies; neglect of historical events and detail; and Russell Crowe.

Near the beginning of Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood, Robin Longstride (Russell Crowe, whose casting immediately signals problems) and his men stumble upon a group of English knights ambushed by Sir Godfrey (Mark Strong), an English knight with French lineage. Through the dying Sir Robert Loxley Robin learns of King Richard the Lionhearted’s death. Wishing to return to England, he decides to assume Sir Loxley’s identity and return the crown to King John (Oscar Isaac). Such concealment of identity and deception runs deep throughout the movie – so deep, in fact, that the movie falls prey to its own identity crisis.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: A film adaptation of a graphic novel so faithful that it embraces it best and worst elements.

RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Betrayed by their commander, a group of U.S. Special Forces soldiers seeks payback.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Good cast, occasionally engaging dialogue, and the concept of environmentally friendly weapons.

CONS: A faithful adaptation to a comic that lacked much originality, derivative of other works, and full of too many action clichés.

Movies and comics share several conventions, but the paramount element of both is visual. Like comics, the appeal of movies is, first and foremost, in the images they present to their audience. This is not to say that any of the other pieces – character, story, ideas – are unimportant, but that what a moviegoer sees is what provides the thrill and joy. No matter how many other similarities they share, however, movies are not comics. The language is different, and in adapting a comic to screen one has to understand the difference for an effective translation. Richard Donner understood this when he directed Superman; Christopher Nolan knew the difference when he directed Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. The Losers, by contrast, suffers the fate of actually being too faithful to the comic, embracing not only its best elements but also its worst.

Sadly, that’s the good news.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: A good idea that starts with promise but reverts to formula far too quickly.

RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Unexceptional high-school student and comic book geek Dave Livewski decides, without powers or training but with surprising conviction, to become the superhero Kick-Ass.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Affecting performances by Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Chloë Grace Moretz; strong first half-hour with the consequences of attempting to become a superhero with only conviction; Nicolas Cage channeling Adam West; good stunt and fight scene choreography; and, in one sequence, good use of Ennio Morricone’s A Fistful of Dollars theme.

CONS: Retreats from its core idea and reverts to formula far too quickly; unpleasantness of the concept of Hit-Girl the more one thinks about it.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: A remake so bad that it makes the middling original look like the work of a cinematic genius.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Perseus hunts the god Hades before he can unseat Zeus from Olympus.

MY REVIEW

PROS: Good rendering of Olympus, and yeah, the Kraken looks like something out of the Cthulhu mythos.

CONS: Dull script, lifeless direction, uninspired acting and routine action make this one of the dullest summer blockbusters in a long, long while.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Good ideas and a couple of interesting set pieces do not save moronic, by-the-number science fiction action movie.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: A man who repossesses artificial organs must flee from the organization that employs him when he cannot pay for his own artificial heart.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Strong ideas, with one or two interesting action sequences and the occasional bit of cleverness.

CONS: Unconvincing worldbuilding, implausible characters and a surprising lack of guts. (No pun intended.)

Upon seeing Repo Men, I drove to a nearby Barnes and Noble and purchased a copy of The Repossession Mambo, the novel by Eric Garcia on which this futuristic thriller from director Miguel Sapochnik is based. My decision to buy the novel had nothing to do with the movie’s quality. Or, rather, it did, and that’s part of the problem. The movie presented ideas that were likely handled in the novel with exactly the finesse, skill and gallows wit that its adaptation lacked.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Tim Burton gives Lewis Carroll’s classic stories a passionless, visually bland update.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: On the day of her engagement to Hamish Ascot, nineteen-year-old Alice Kingsley follows a white rabbit in a waistcoat down a rabbit hole leading to Wonderland, where, with the help of an eccentric group of characters, she must defeat the Red Queen.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: A good cast with occasionally interesting flourishes of character and scenery. And it’s hard not to love Alan Rickman’s hookah-smoking caterpillar.

CONS: Uninvolving and, despite the 3D rendering, often flat.

It shouldn’t have been this way. Given the cast involved, given the director’s knack for the grotesque and the surreal, to say nothing of the source material, this Alice in Wonderland should have been a marvel, a milestone in the development of fantasy cinema. After all, the logical games and off-the-wall situations presented by Lewis Carroll in both Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There parallel much of the nonsense language and narrative dissociation one sometimes feels living in this first decade of the twenty-first century. It is also, in a way, the movie Tim Burton has been preparing to make since Frankenweenie. Whether or not his movies have taken place in Pee Wee’s Playhouse or Gotham City, whether or not he has followed such characters as Edward Scissorhands or Sweeny Todd, he has always taken his audience to some zip code deep in his own Wonderland.

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REVIEW SUMMARY: Dennis Lehane’s Gothic novel gets a solid, though by no means perfect, adaptation to film from director Martin Scorcese.

MY RATING:

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: A federal marshal with a haunted past must track down an escaped patient on an island-bound mental hospital where nothing is as it seems.

MY REVIEW:

PROS: Strong performances by a solid cast; interesting directorial choices by Scorcese and rich camerawork and music make hackneyed material into a genuinely scary viewing experience.

CONS: Fantasy sequences go on a little too long; the parts, when put together, don’t quite add up to a sensible whole; and even casual genre fans might see the ending pretty early.

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