Have I said “mango” enough? No? Well, listen to me say it a few more times in the audio promo below in which you’ll get such a paltry amount of additional details, you’ll shake your fist at your ears!
Hello, my hairy hotdogs! You’ve spent far too many long and lonely nights without the golden Beware the Hairy Mango podcast and I’m here today to give you a taste of what you’ve been missing. Out of the last thirty-five episodes it turns out I had about four good ones, so I’ve wrapped them up bug as a snug and delivered them here to you! Lie down in your chair and ready yourself for the best twenty minutes of your natural life!
WARNING – Filthy Dirty Listening Up Ahead!
But wait! There are three more gems like this after the jump!
My gift to you this year is a new episode of the Beware the Hairy Mango podcast each and every day this month! Yes, I know it’s the same thing I got you last year, but this year I kept the receipt so you can exchange it for a podcast you’ll like. No, of course it won’t hurt my feelings.
A very Mangy Christmas to all of you SF Signalites and your patchy dogs too! We’re temporarily skipping a few episodes of Beware The Hairy Mango in order to deliver the four part pirate epic, The Careerist’s Guide to the Sea, right up your chimney! It’s the Christmas present you didn’t know you didn’t want! Dole it out slowly and cover half of Chanukah! No matter what religious affiliation your damned greedy kids enjoy, we’ve got you covered.
WARNING! I’ll bet there’s some dirty stuff in at least one of these shows!
To borrow the words of the immortal Mr. Flanders, “Hi-dilly-ho, Neglectorinos!” Hot off the backburner, this is Matthew Sanborn Smith wishing you a very belated Beware The Hairy Mango! My apologies to all for the Mango’s two-and-a-half month absence. I swear I wasn’t busy with other things, I just forgot about you. So I hope that makes you feel better. On the positive side, many of you didn’t know we were missing at all. Because you’re so malnutrished, we’re force-feeding you a whole half-bushel of Mangoes, or, if you prefer, a half whole-bushel.
WARNING! Daringly naughty! Naughtily Daring! Keep the wee ones in the cellar where they belong!
Heavens! You’ve caught me and the Beware The Hairy Mango podcast unawares! We were in the shower and didn’t hear you come in. Our combined body hair requires a bottle and a half of shampoo before it even considers getting clean. But you’ll feel a world (or at least a city) of squeaking cleanliness when you lose yourself in today’s wonderful story, “A Hell of a Licking!”
WARNING! Some gross and yuchy adult stuff may be going on inside!
Dragging this dead horse into its third dreadful month, this is Beware The Hairy Mango’s final installment of MuchoMangoMayo! Rather than leave week four and a half until sometime in 2014, I’ve added it here to the end of week four. So much Mango you could choke! (don’t do that) You’re almost at the end, don’t quit on us yet! Quit later!
WARNING! Awful, foul things within! Even typing about them makes me blush!
Aloha, Signalariats! Beware The Hairy Mango rises from the sewers of months past to hinder your much needed concentration. MuchoMangoMayo is so big it has kicked June’s doors in and spilled out onto the dace floor! Enjoy this third week of strange wonder, broccoli monsters and sexy cosmology. How I wish I were you!
WARNING! Fulla dirty junk!
Hey there, Signalareeniearoonionarians! The twice-bitten, once shy Beware The Hairy Mango podcast is once more on either side of your face. This time it’s MuchoMangoMayo’s second septet of gob-smacking wonders. Partake of our excellence, then brag to your envy-laden friends!
WARNING! Grups only! Not for the wee ones (but maybe for the wee-wee ones)! Bonk Bonk on the Head!
There you are, my Signalificant Others! Beware The Hairy Mango’s a-poppin’ this month with the greatest event in its history, MuchoMangoMayo! Basically, it’s just a crapload of shows. And here are the first seven, neatly packaged for you! Just sit back and savor your bon-bons and click your way through something like thirty-five minutes of entertainment so grand, you’ll wish you had paid the 3-D price!
All the usual warnings apply. There’s LOUD STUFF and NASTY STUFF and LOUD NASTY STUFF.
Doody-how, Signal-hearers! Your delicious and nutritious Beware The Hairy Mango has finally arrived! Send all the kids hurtling out of the room while you and I make grown-up talk. Grab hold of the closest sheet of two-color paper and make your way to the bathroom before hitting play on this latest episode, “Origasmi”!
WATCH OUT! LOTS OF FILTHY, DIRTY, DIRTY FILTH!
Light the firecrackers, Signalissimos! The ever-present Beware The Hairy Mango is pleased as putty to announce MuchoMangoMayo! It’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to everybody!* Want to know more? Well, pretend you do for the sake of this discussion. Listen to the show for all the gritty details.**
Oh, yeah. There’s a story in there too.
CAUTION: Hardly any offensive stuff in this episode! We hope you listen anyway.
*Legal disclaimer: MuchoMangoMayo is not the greatest thing that has ever happened to everybody.
**Legal disclaimer: Details are not actually gritty.
Love is in the air at Beware The Hairy Mango, Signalios, but only because we’ve run out of Lysol. And in tribute to Love, we bring you a tale of gun-fighting and dead animals! Gird your loins for our latest episode, “The Laughter of the Chicken-Wieners”!
CAUTION: Probably has dirty words! It’s been a few days since I last heard it, so I can’t say for sure, but knowing me, I’d let my money ride on potty-mouthery.
What’s shakin’, Signalians! (As I say this, I point at you with both hands in a pistol pose that I hear was cool fifteen years ago.) The latest and sadist episode of Beware The Hairy Mango has arrived! It may or may not contain a muffin, but it definitely contains more than a muffin. Says so right there in the title. In today’s story we explore the tree-shakingest of buttery fantasies. I challenge you to prove me wrong. Stand at attention and delight in “More Than a Muffin”!
WARNING: Contains Latin! And some naughty words derived from the old Saxon.
Just in time for that one day. Welcome to the special holiday episode of the sultry Beware The Hairy Mango podcast! Give your friends and family the gift of this podcast this year and it will revitalize the annual fights around the dinner table. It’s the gift that keeps on taking! Prepare for the nightmarish winter ahead with “A Season for all Seasonings” and recall our time together forever after in “Anna’s Memory Book.” How I wish I were you, dear listener, so that I could experience this show for the first time all over again.
If you don’t expect foul language, you will be disappointed in this episode and in me.
Attention, Signalreenos! The awe-inspiring Beware The Hairy Mango once again presents a C.O.D. of delight, delivered directly to your door! Tear it open with your good tooth and fill your belly with it and the occasional Styrofoam peanut. Bear witness today to the harrowing tale of a man torn between dinner and wardrobe, seductress and stupidhead! Take note of where you were when you first heard the words, “They Call Me Mr. Stinkypants!”
Rated PG-13 for Pretty Good . . . um, . . . Thirteen.
Hey-Hey! We’re back from an extended holiday (Did you even notice we were gone?) with a new episode of the podcast that melts in your ears, Beware The Hairy Mango! This week we have two (2) (II) stories for you which explore the intersection of technology and Our Bodies, Ourselves. Please enjoy and bring a rag to wipe up after yourselves.
Warning! Recommended for immature adults due to descriptions of ooky bodily functions.
Swooping from below to catch you up and cradle you in its loving limbs, this IS Beware The Hairy Mango. Today’s story is an epic tale of one brilliant man who strives to better society through science and the woman who might just be his downfall. Zounds! Join me as I channel Steve Martin and Father Guido Sarducci in voicing the thinking man’s hero, “Leonardo Da Countertop!” It’s five minutes of your life folks. All I’m asking is that you hand it over to me.
Warning: Contains loud noises, no-no words and a wee-wee poem!