It’s that time of year again when we gather round the Mango tree and clobber each other with once-a-year love. Yes! It’s MuchoMangoMayo 2012!
My gift to you this year is a new episode of the Beware the Hairy Mango podcast each and every day this month! Yes, I know it’s the same thing I got you last year, but this year I kept the receipt so you can exchange it for a podcast you’ll like. No, of course it won’t hurt my feelings.
*sob*
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Matthew Sanborn Smith is the proprietor of the always-hilarious podcast Beware the Hairy Mango. He’s just recorded his 100th episode and, in proper celebration of a number that ends in one or more zeroes, has adapted it for YouTube (what the Internets calls “recording a video”). This is definitely worth 10 minutes of your time.
The setup: If you’ve never heard a Mango episode before…shame on you! Seriously, this is great stuff. Matt’s got more talent in his little finger than I have in my slightly larger little finger. This particular video is rough around the edges as compared to his usual podcast, but what it lacks in perfection, it more than makes up for in charm.
Warning: This video uses harsh language…as evidenced by the inclusion of minors. Watch it fast before Child Protection Services has it taken down! Finally, a argument in favor of child labor…
(I kid! < -- See what I did there?)
Enough of me...here's the video...
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A very Mangy Christmas to all of you SF Signalites and your patchy dogs too! We’re temporarily skipping a few episodes of Beware The Hairy Mango in order to deliver the four part pirate epic, The Careerist’s Guide to the Sea, right up your chimney! It’s the Christmas present you didn’t know you didn’t want! Dole it out slowly and cover half of Chanukah! No matter what religious affiliation your damned greedy kids enjoy, we’ve got you covered.
WARNING! I’ll bet there’s some dirty stuff in at least one of these shows!
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To borrow the words of the immortal Mr. Flanders, “Hi-dilly-ho, Neglectorinos!” Hot off the backburner, this is Matthew Sanborn Smith wishing you a very belated Beware The Hairy Mango! My apologies to all for the Mango’s two-and-a-half month absence. I swear I wasn’t busy with other things, I just forgot about you. So I hope that makes you feel better. On the positive side, many of you didn’t know we were missing at all. Because you’re so malnutrished, we’re force-feeding you a whole half-bushel of Mangoes, or, if you prefer, a half whole-bushel.
WARNING! Daringly naughty! Naughtily Daring! Keep the wee ones in the cellar where they belong!
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Heavens! You’ve caught me and the Beware The Hairy Mango podcast unawares! We were in the shower and didn’t hear you come in. Our combined body hair requires a bottle and a half of shampoo before it even considers getting clean. But you’ll feel a world (or at least a city) of squeaking cleanliness when you lose yourself in today’s wonderful story, “A Hell of a Licking!”
WARNING! Some gross and yuchy adult stuff may be going on inside!
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Dragging this dead horse into its third dreadful month, this is Beware The Hairy Mango’s final installment of MuchoMangoMayo! Rather than leave week four and a half until sometime in 2014, I’ve added it here to the end of week four. So much Mango you could choke! (don’t do that) You’re almost at the end, don’t quit on us yet! Quit later!
WARNING! Awful, foul things within! Even typing about them makes me blush!
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Aloha, Signalariats! Beware The Hairy Mango rises from the sewers of months past to hinder your much needed concentration. MuchoMangoMayo is so big it has kicked June’s doors in and spilled out onto the dace floor! Enjoy this third week of strange wonder, broccoli monsters and sexy cosmology. How I wish I were you!
WARNING! Fulla dirty junk!
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Hey there, Signalareeniearoonionarians! The twice-bitten, once shy Beware The Hairy Mango podcast is once more on either side of your face. This time it’s MuchoMangoMayo’s second septet of gob-smacking wonders. Partake of our excellence, then brag to your envy-laden friends!
WARNING! Grups only! Not for the wee ones (but maybe for the wee-wee ones)! Bonk Bonk on the Head!
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There you are, my Signalificant Others! Beware The Hairy Mango’s a-poppin’ this month with the greatest event in its history, MuchoMangoMayo! Basically, it’s just a crapload of shows. And here are the first seven, neatly packaged for you! Just sit back and savor your bon-bons and click your way through something like thirty-five minutes of entertainment so grand, you’ll wish you had paid the 3-D price!
All the usual warnings apply. There’s LOUD STUFF and NASTY STUFF and LOUD NASTY STUFF.
Have fun!
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Doody-how, Signal-hearers! Your delicious and nutritious Beware The Hairy Mango has finally arrived! Send all the kids hurtling out of the room while you and I make grown-up talk. Grab hold of the closest sheet of two-color paper and make your way to the bathroom before hitting play on this latest episode, “Origasmi”!
WATCH OUT! LOTS OF FILTHY, DIRTY, DIRTY FILTH!
Light the firecrackers, Signalissimos! The ever-present Beware The Hairy Mango is pleased as putty to announce MuchoMangoMayo! It’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to everybody!* Want to know more? Well, pretend you do for the sake of this discussion. Listen to the show for all the gritty details.**
Oh, yeah. There’s a story in there too.
CAUTION: Hardly any offensive stuff in this episode! We hope you listen anyway.
*Legal disclaimer: MuchoMangoMayo is not the greatest thing that has ever happened to everybody.
**Legal disclaimer: Details are not actually gritty.
When the moon hits your eye like a brick, makes you cry, that’s A-Mango-more!
Love is in the air at Beware The Hairy Mango, Signalios, but only because we’ve run out of Lysol. And in tribute to Love, we bring you a tale of gun-fighting and dead animals! Gird your loins for our latest episode, “The Laughter of the Chicken-Wieners”!
CAUTION: Probably has dirty words! It’s been a few days since I last heard it, so I can’t say for sure, but knowing me, I’d let my money ride on potty-mouthery.
What’s shakin’, Signalians! (As I say this, I point at you with both hands in a pistol pose that I hear was cool fifteen years ago.) The latest and sadist episode of Beware The Hairy Mango has arrived! It may or may not contain a muffin, but it definitely contains more than a muffin. Says so right there in the title. In today’s story we explore the tree-shakingest of buttery fantasies. I challenge you to prove me wrong. Stand at attention and delight in “More Than a Muffin”!
WARNING: Contains Latin! And some naughty words derived from the old Saxon.
Just in time for that one day. Welcome to the special holiday episode of the sultry Beware The Hairy Mango podcast! Give your friends and family the gift of this podcast this year and it will revitalize the annual fights around the dinner table. It’s the gift that keeps on taking! Prepare for the nightmarish winter ahead with “A Season for all Seasonings” and recall our time together forever after in “Anna’s Memory Book.” How I wish I were you, dear listener, so that I could experience this show for the first time all over again.
If you don’t expect foul language, you will be disappointed in this episode and in me.
Happy Holidays!
Attention, Signalreenos! The awe-inspiring Beware The Hairy Mango once again presents a C.O.D. of delight, delivered directly to your door! Tear it open with your good tooth and fill your belly with it and the occasional Styrofoam peanut. Bear witness today to the harrowing tale of a man torn between dinner and wardrobe, seductress and stupidhead! Take note of where you were when you first heard the words, “They Call Me Mr. Stinkypants!”
Rated PG-13 for Pretty Good . . . um, . . . Thirteen.
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Hey-Hey! We’re back from an extended holiday (Did you even notice we were gone?) with a new episode of the podcast that melts in your ears, Beware The Hairy Mango! This week we have two (2) (II) stories for you which explore the intersection of technology and Our Bodies, Ourselves. Please enjoy and bring a rag to wipe up after yourselves.
Warning! Recommended for immature adults due to descriptions of ooky bodily functions.
Swooping from below to catch you up and cradle you in its loving limbs, this IS Beware The Hairy Mango. Today’s story is an epic tale of one brilliant man who strives to better society through science and the woman who might just be his downfall. Zounds! Join me as I channel Steve Martin and Father Guido Sarducci in voicing the thinking man’s hero, “Leonardo Da Countertop!” It’s five minutes of your life folks. All I’m asking is that you hand it over to me.
Warning: Contains loud noises, no-no words and a wee-wee poem!
Hunger no more for podcast excitement. Line up Signal-file for your free steaming bowl of Beware The Hairy Mango! Sate your belly with a magical tale of love and water-skiing. Hear the Oz that never was. With only two sentences I’ve pretty much given the entire episode away but humor us, please, and give a listen to “Joe the Larry” anyhow.
Warning: Adult situations for immature audiences!
Ahoy-Hoy Signal-philes! The magnificent Beware The Hairy Mango podcast has joined forces with SF Signal to bring you the penultimate in podcast entertainment (The ultimate being the SF Signal podcast, of course). Lie back and try not squirm as we inject the Mango straight into your veins. It will hurt, even a small mango outsizes your largest artery, but the hurt will be worth it as you absorb the latest episode, “Pain Comes Not to the Bananaman”!
Hardhats on for the occasional naughty word!
