Beware the Hairy Mango (Throwback!): The Next Vampire Story

You ever wonder what it sounded like when I spoke slowly on Beware the Hairy Mango? Well, pretend you’ve wondered. It sounded a lot like this terribly old episode!

One has to delve deeply into ancient knowledge to unlock the secrets of the vampire! Yes, as ancient as episode 12! Don your steel-belted shirt collars and wander aimlessly into “The Next Vampire Story!”

WARNING: You’ll be sleeping with the lights on! Even if you work third shift and sleep during the day!

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Beware the Hairy Mango – The Mango You’ve Been Missing!

Hello, my hairy hotdogs! You’ve spent far too many long and lonely nights without the golden Beware the Hairy Mango podcast and I’m here today to give you a taste of what you’ve been missing. Out of the last thirty-five episodes it turns out I had about four good ones, so I’ve wrapped them up bug as a snug and delivered them here to you! Lie down in your chair and ready yourself for the best twenty minutes of your natural life!

WARNING – Filthy Dirty Listening Up Ahead!

But wait! There are three more gems like this after the jump!

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Continuing our theme of science fiction tropes, we asked this week’s panelists:

Q: What are some of the coolest robots in science fiction? Why?

Here’s what they said. Are your favorites listed?

Mike Resnick
Mike Resnick is the author of 50 novels, 200 short stories, a pair of screenplays, and the editor of 50 anthologies, as well as the executive editor of Jim Baen’s Universe. According to Locus, he is the leading award winner, living or dead, of short fiction. His work has been translated into 22 languages.

The single most memorable robot:

  • Jenkins, from Cliff Simak’s City. Simak made you care for Jenkins at a time when Asimov was creating scores of robots that only Susan Calvin cared about.

Others:

  • Joe, from Henry Kuttner’s “Robots Have No Tail”. Kuttner was another writer who had no interest in the Three Laws, and created a charming robot.
  • Roderick, from John Sladek’s Roderick and Roderick at Random. Roderick was a perfect vehicle for Sladek’s sardonic commentary.
  • Adam Link, from Eando Binder’s I, Robot (sic) and others; he’sthe missing link between clanking metallic monsters and positronic robots.
  • Sisto Settimo, from Robert Silverberg’s “Good News From the Vatican”. He’s only onstage for one paragraph, but the notion of a robot pope is as memorable as they come.

And if I can suggest three totally non-Asimovian robots that made major ballots:

  • Sammy, from my “Robots Don’t Cry”.
  • Jackson, from my “Article of Faith”.
  • Mose, from my and Lezli Robyn’s “Soulmates”.

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This week, we turned our attention to SciFi television when we asked our panelists this question:

Q: Which off-the-air science fiction television show deserves a remake? What changes would you make to update it?

Here’s how they responded…

A. Lee Martinez
A. Lee Martinez is a writer you probably haven’t heard of but really should have. He is the author of Gil’s All Fright Diner, In the Company of Ogres, A Nameless Witch, The Automatic Detective, Too Many Curses, Monster and the upcoming Divine Misfortune. He credits comic books and Godzilla movies as his biggest influences, and thinks that every story is better with a dash of ninja.

I thought long and hard on this one, and with so many great candidates, it wasn’t easy. Manimal? The Night Stalker? Misfits of Science? Century City? Oh, the delightful possibilities. How can one man make such a controversial decision? Well, after much soul searching, meditation, and hours of telepathic communion with my ancient Martian spirit guide (his name is Jack), I can only find one worthy answer.

Darkwing Duck.

How would I update this classic show? Good question. I probably wouldn’t change it much. I’d give it a more action oriented update that wouldn’t lose the humor of the original. Something like Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Fun, retro, and sharp. I’d also expand Darkwing’s universe to include more superheroes and villains. In addition to the classics such as Liquidator, Bushroot, and Megavolt, I’d introduce new characters. And of course, you could never go wrong with a Gizmoduck team up on a fairly regular basis. All of this would inevitably lead to my ultimate spinoff series:

Justice Ducks Unlimited.

But one step at a time…

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