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Hard Times Befall the Empire

A Florida Pizza Man gets mugged by Darth Vader. No, really.

About John DeNardo (13012 Articles)
John DeNardo is the Managing Editor at SF Signal and a columnist at Kirkus Reviews. He also likes bagels. So there.

5 Comments on Hard Times Befall the Empire

  1. I find your lack of pepperoni…..disturbing….

  2. I find your lack of pepperoni…..disturbing….

  3. Use the sauce, Luke!

  4. Another one: “Obi Wan Anchovy has taught you well!”

  5. The scene – a city street, Pizza Joe’s driver has just stopped and is getting ready to get our of his yellow, dented Datsun B210 truck.

    [Darth Vader walks up to the truck, driver sees Vader in the rear view mirror, looks at the camera]

    Driver: “I have a bad feeling about this.”

    [Vader walks to the driver side]

    Vader: “The pizza will soon be back in my hands.”

    Driver: “What?”

    Vader: “I’ll tear this truck apart until I’ve found those pizzas!”

    Driver: “Dude, you can order them just like anybody else?!”

    Vader: “Your powers are weak old man.”

    [Vader grabs the driver’s throat.]

    Driver: [gurgle, gurgle]

    Vader: “You have failed me for the last time!”

    [Driver pulls away, grabs the pizza and thrusts it at Vader.]

    Driver: Here, take it if you want it so bad!

    [Vader opens the pizze box to look inside.]

    Vader: I find you lack of pepperoni…disturbing.

    [Driver puts the truck in gear…]

    Driver: Man you are going to jail, I’m going to have you arrested! You suck man!

    […he starts to drive away]

    Vader: No, I am your father!

    Driver: You’re whacked man, psycho!

    Vader: Search your feelings you know it to be true.

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