This week’s Mind Meld is more of a fun activity rather than a specific question. I recently bought a booklet of Doctor Whoo Mad-Libs. The TARDIS has since become something having to do with sweatshirts, and at least the Doctor’s hair isn’t aquamarine. Anyways, with that entertaining experience in mind, I asked our panelists to give me a short paragraph that is quote from, takes place in, or is about their favorite SF/F realm, but replace all the important nouns, adjectives, adverbs and other important bits with [noun], [adjective], and [adverb]. You too can play along with some (un)suspecting friends, and let the entertainment begin!
Our [noun] caravan had traveled three days into Shadow, escorted by one of the Royals — her name was Florence, Flower, something like that when the [plural noun] attacked without warning. [adverb] they tore into our guards, as a [noun] devours [plural noun]. They slurped down the poor bastards’ [nouns] with the [adjective] sound of [noun] forced through the fingers of a surgical [noun]. The beasts snarled with muzzles full of [adjective] [nouns], sending [plural noun] raining on us. These were shapeshifting offspring of the [noun]. The [adjective] enchanters from the Courts of [noun] had found us, and [adjective] indeed they must have been to practice their [adjective] art so close to the one true [noun]. Our escort commanded us to, “Drive, damn you!” and thus began our [noun]ride. Our wagon hurtled through veils of Shadow like a [noun] through [adjective] tissue paper, and in its wake a [adjective] panorama of [nouns], [adjective] scents, and fleeting [plural noun] assaulted our senses.
The enormous [noun] exploded up from the desert sands of Arrakis. [name] the noble [adjective] warrior, wished to [verb, present tense] it. The warrior’s eyes were the color of the [noun] from eating the sacred [noun]. The warrior stuck his [adjective][noun] into the [adjective][noun] of the giant, and he rode it [adverb] across many leagues of waterless waste. “I am the Kwisatz Haderach!” he cried.
(Quoted from Between Two Thorns by Emma Newman)
She could still remember the day her mother told her about [a place]. She described it as the most [adjective] [noun] that could ever be, reminding Cathy of her mother’s [noun]. Even back then the seeds of [noun] were growing in her [noun]. The details were vague; the [adjective] Sorcerors split the worlds to keep the [adjective], [adjective] and [adjective] Fae away from people, depriving Mundanus of [noun] and the [noun] of the Fae. When she’d asked if their family lived in [a place] her mother had laughed and said she was one of the [adjective] who lived between the Split Worlds, in something they called the [noun]. Her mother said they were [adjective] but the reasons why didn’t stick in Cathy’s memory. After her experience with [Famous Person] she felt more sympathy for the Sorcerors. [A place] was better off without the Fae.
Down flew the Witch-King of Angmar, [adjective] Captain of the Nazgul, upon his [adjective] [noun].
“Now, [adverb], comes the triumph of Mordor!” His voice was like the wail of a [noun].
“Hold,” cried [adjective] Eowyn. “Ere that [adjective] fate comes to pass, you must [adverb] face me!”
“[adjective] mortal [noun]!” The Witch-King raised his fearsome mace. “I cannot be slain by any [noun]!
“Eowyn smiled [adverb]. “I am no [noun],” she said.
No one knows exactly what happened in [name of a place], but one day it started changing into a [adjective] [noun]. All [noun] life was eradicated from the [noun], and several [plural noun] were sent in to investigate. Each was struck down, either by insanity or [noun]. One [noun] in [same place], [adverb] called “[noun],” held some answers to the mysteries of what happened, but no one had gotten close enough to the [noun] at the bottom to learn anything. Meanwhile, the [plural noun] on the Tower [plural noun] were alive and [adverb] changing, sending out [plural noun] when anyone got too close. Another [noun], the [noun], also held clues to the mystery of [same place]. Hundreds of expedition [plural noun] were piled in a [noun] inside, and a [noun] showing a lighthouse-keeper and a young [noun] was left on the upper [noun]. We may never find out what is really [verb ending in -ing] in [same place] (could it be [plural noun]? Another [noun] poking through into our own?) but we’ll probably never stop studying it, either.
[Plural unit of time] after the fall of the High Ones, their elven descendants struggle to [verb]. Unlike their [adjective] ancestors, they have become [adjective] and [adjective]; some of them ride giant telepathic [plural animal] and howl at the [noun]. But everything [verb] when one elf, a chieftain called [name], embarks on a quest to [verb] the [adjective] tribes and unite the [plural kinship term] of the High Ones again.
The Goblin King stood in the window of his castle looking out over the city. Panic filled the streets. Another girl had nearly made it to the center! That’s it! He needed a [adjective ending in –er] labyrinth! He watched as [number] goblins [verb ending in –ed] into the battle on [type of animal]. They barely made it across [number] streets before [verbing ending in –ing] into each other and [verb ending in –ing]! Sir Didymus [verb ending in –ed] [adverb] from the Bog of Eternal Stench, [verb ending in –ing] [adverb] at his [noun] Ambrosia and waving his [noun]. The girl was right behind him. The Goblin King ordered the [noun] fired! [plural noun] flew through the air, [verb ending in –ing] into [noun] and [noun], but leaving the girl untouched! She [verb ending in –ed] and [verb ending in –ed], making her way to the castle’s [part of building]. Dammit! Just like with Sarah! Had his guards [verb ending in –ed] nothing! The new girl was going to come in his [noun] and take her [noun] away, [verb ending in – ing] at him! He could hear the goblins [verb ending in –ing], desperate to keep the [noun] out, but the Goblin King knew they would fail. He was surrounded by [plural noun]!
(Quoted from The King of Plagues by Jonathan Maberry)
I spun off him just as the [noun] beside me exploded. [ A man’s name], half-blind and scalded, fired wildly in my direction, the bullets shattering [plural noun] and punching through the black paint of the [noun]. I rushed in and to one side, but he tracked me, probably only seeing [plural noun] out of those eyes, but enough to swing the [noun] toward my [noun]. I came up outside his line of fire, took his gun hand in both of mine, and twisted sharply as I [past tense verb]. In the [noun] and in the movies the victim of a [noun] does a nice flip through the air. In the real world his [noun] turns way too fast to act as a lever for his body, which means that the forearm bones explode inside his arm and his scream rises into the ultrasonic. I kicked [Same Man’s name] in the knee and as he [past tense verb] I kicked the other knee. He collapsed into a screaming pile of [noun].
Ripley was suspended in her [noun] for 57 years. Her pet [animal] named [name] was her only companion while she slept. When she was rescued by the crew of the space salvager Sulaco she had an [adjective] story to tell them. The [adjective] representatives from the Weyland-Yutani Corporation just could believe the story she told them about the alien that had [number] mouths and [liquid] for blood. Privately they thought the part about the [body part] hugger was hilarious. After the colonists on LV-426 went missing, the [adjective] representatives decided to believe Ripley and asked her to go find the [adjective] aliens.
This turned out to be a very [adjective] adventure. She went with a group of marines and they [adverb] explored the planet. They [adverb] fought the aliens. In the end she squared off with the alien Queen. The Queen acted [adverb] when Ripley called her a [profanity]. They had a [adjective] fight but Ripley won. Now, Ripley says she will go back to LV-426 when Weyland-Yutani CEO offers to drop to his [body part] and kiss her [adjective][body part].
Mist spread across the moors, obscuring the details of a landscape I knew to be [adjective], [adjective], and [adjective]. At the edge of it, the manor [verb] like a [adjective] [noun], its candlelit eyes glaring down at our approach. The carriage crept toward the [adjective] house, a [noun] knowing it risked being [past tense verb] to pieces. There were legends about the place, [adjective], [adjective] legends. All of them played out in my mind as the carriage [verbed] ever closer.
I turned to my seatmate. “Holmes,” I began, and [past tense verb]. I did not know my companion well, and I was unsure how to ask him this [adjective] question. “Are there really vampires at Radcliffe Manor?”
What [same noun]? the [same noun] with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the [same noun]
You’re the babysitter for your baby [noun], but now he’s gone, kidnapped by a goblin. [verb] your tights because the labyrinth [verb]. Be careful, certain [plural noun] can lead to [plural noun] and you can’t trust anyone. A [adjective], sweet troll will escort you through farting [plural noun], then give you a poisoned [noun]. Will you [verb] with the goblin prince? Be careful what you wish for.
At Callahan’s Bar, you’ll find the strangest clients: a talking [noun], a [adjective] alien who’s the vanguard of an interstellar [noun], a blackjack-wielding [adjective] piano player. But when you belly up to the [noun] and order yourself a nice [adjective] whiskey, you’ll discover Callahan’s law: “Shared [noun] is lessened; shared joy, increased—thus do we refute [noun].”
After reports of people [verb, present participle] in [adjective] daylight blaming the smell of fudge, Artie dispatched Pete and Myka to [place] in search of the [noun] that once belonged to [person]. They tracked the trail of the artifact’s destruction to a(n) [occupation] who had discovered the [adjective] object in their late grandmother’s [noun]. The couple who found it thought the artifact was merely [adjective], even though it [verb, past tense] when they held it, until those nearby started to [verb] without warning. The couple saw an opportunity to [transitive verb] their [noun]. But, as artifacts do, the power spun out of their control and soon began [present participle] everyone within a [number] mile radius with a [noun]. What’s worse, it created a vortex of [noun] that threatened to turn the city into an [adjective] crater.
The smell of fudge hung in the air and the artifact’s [noun] of energy hovered inches away from [verb, present participle] Pete. The Farnsworth rang. It was Artie. “Watch out! Claudia just found out that the artifact can interact with [noun] to become even more [adjective]!”
“You don’t say!” Myka exclaimed, dropping the Farnsworth and grabbing Pete’s [noun] to keep the field from [verb, present participle] him whole.
“Just once, I’d like Artie to send us after [person]‘s kitten or something [adjective] like that,” Pete said as he clutched a nearby [noun] to keep from [verb, present participle]. “Just bag it and tag it, Myka!”
Myka [verb, past tense] the artifact away from the couple and opened the neutralizer bag. “Close your eyes, everyone!” She dropped the artifact into the bag. Nothing happened.
“That wasn’t the artifact!” Myka screamed toward the Farnsworth, which was being sucked into the [adjective] vortex.
“Throw some goo at it, Myka!” Pete, yelled, still gripping a [noun] as if his life depended on it. She [verb, past tense] the [adjective] goo that would neutralize the artifact and flung it [preposition]. The vortex [verb, past tense] the goo, and with a flash, collapsed.
A gooey purple kitten bounded out of the epicenter of the disaster and smeared a gooey purple streak on Myka. “Want to tag this one, Pete?”